What is the State of Your Mind?

I was reading a fellow blogger's post today on her take on the Fourth of July and what it means to be truly independent. As I read it, it got me thinking on how being independent is not just about the type of physical prison you are in (a situation, the people in your life) but what type of mental prison we build for ourselves. Sometimes many people underestimate the power of the mind, especially when it comes to your thoughts and what you tell yourself when certain situations arise.

These past couple of weeks presented a real tough time for me. Without going into details, I found myself mentally drowning. The secure and confident foundation that I had built for myself was all of sudden crumbling and based upon what others said and what was happening around me that I could not control. I doubted myself completely. I didn't see it coming. I almost felt blindsided. It was almost like I didn't know myself anymore and my carefree almost fearless spirit was hard to find.

Through prayer and the love of my family, friends, and the man in my life I have come out of this with a new perspective on things. I always knew the mind was a powerful thing and as quickly as it can empower you it can depower you. I allowed my mind to depower me. I let the negativity, the self doubt, the feelings of failure and helplessness rule my though and therefore depower me.

I first wanted to blame how I felt on others because it was their fault I felt this way and because it was their fault, there was nothing I can do. It was almost like I expected them to fix it or even worse, keep this situation going, because it was their doing and not mine.

I wasn't sure when it happened, but I slowly snapped out of it. I had to keep telling myself that I am not a failure and that I'm bigger than this. I had to tell myself that I have made it through far worse so why can't I get through this. I told myself I had to have faith that things will turn around and faith requires belief and conviction. I had to take control of the state of my mind. I could not allow my own thoughts to defeat me. I needed thoughts that will help me find a solution to my problem. I needed thoughts that will help me carry out those solutions. I needed thoughts that would help me find the faith in myself that the Lord has instilled in me from Day one.

We all hit tough times. We all go through tough family situations, relationships, and friendships. We all have a right to feel angry, sad, and upset when we go through it. But when the smoke clears you have to seriously ask yourself:

What is the State of Your Mind?

Check out this blog and dare to have your own opinion!

http://uncontrollablemind.blogspot.com/

Please Refrain from Calling Him an ******

Before I begin my first blog in this arena of life, let me give this disclaimer:

I do not claim to be a relationship expert. I do not have a PhD In psychology or behavioral sciences. However, I do have a PhD in my Life Experiences and a Diploma in life (I’m only 26 so I do have a lot more living to do!). I only claim to speak on what I learned from my own experience.

Now that we have that out of the way, here we go!

This entry is about fighting fair. In life we are bound to disagree or argue with people, especially those closest to you. These people include your mom, your husband, or your best friend. We can agree that if everyone thought like us, life would be utterly boring and therefore we would never grow as a person. When it comes to arguing or fighting fair in a verbal argument, one of the major things I’ve learned is that one has to fight fair, not fight dirty.

What do I mean by that? That means that when someone ticks you off, you should not go off and call them a b**** or an a**hole. Such a fighting style signals a serious lack of respect. Lack of respect can translate into a lack of love. I mean, its easier to tell a stranger to screw themselves when they cut us off in traffic because frankly, we don’t have any emotional connection to them and the chances of ever seeing them again is slim to none. They won’t give two more thoughts to you and you probably would do the same. However, if this person is your boyfriend or your best friend, this is so not the case.

Let’s think about it. If your husband calls you a b*** every time you and him argues, it would be safe for you to assume that he really thinks that of you. Now this may not actually be the case, but it would be kind of hard to argue against it if you hear it constantly whenever he doesn’t agree with you. Then resentment kicks in and what may seem like a simple or stupid argument can turn into something else. You can see and feel your husband disrespecting you with that one word. So lets’ flip this around and you’re the one saying it. Have an idea on how the person on the other end of that word feels?

I know you may be saying “But he really pisses me of sometimes”. Trust me – I totally understand. People can’t nor should always please us all the time so they are bound to piss us off. However, how you deal with it makes a difference. Even though you may not like the person you are arguing with at the time, you do love them and one of the ways you show you love them is to respect them. Respect is so important when it comes to arguing. Maintaining that level of respect allows you and the person you’re arguing to come to a solution and focus on what was said as opposed to what you name you called them. My experience has taught me that you can have an argument and be mature about it. Nothing gets accomplished by telling your man to go screw themselves or call your best friend a whore.

Bottom Line: Anger is no excuse for disrespect. So fight fair!

The Price of Being Too Content

I was in my car this morning on my way to work listening to Martin Luther King Jr’s “I Have a Dream” speech on the radio. Today is the anniversary of his death in Memphis. It wasn’t my first time hearing it but it was my first actually paying attention to what he was saying. I really listened to the hopes, dreams, and aspirations he had for his African American people.

I asked myself if we as an African Americans have lived up to those expectations. True, we have come a mighty long way. We have been given opportunities to do things that those who came before us couldn’t imagine doing, not for fear of failure, which stops many from advancing in life, but for fear of being beaten or even killed. For my generation, it is a difficult concept to grasp because we didn’t live back then. We don’t truly know what it is to be declared guilty and deserving of such harsh treatment by others just on the color of our skin. Today, a lot of the mistreatment we experience today is due to our immense contentment with the state of affairs in America.

When Jeremiah Wright’s sermons were being broadcast on every major network, I saw him as a little bit over the top in what he was saying. However his seemingly contempt for America is not completely unwarranted. Many people would agree with me that we are not all equal. In the eyes of the law, money, job market, and the education system African Americans are not truly created equal. African Americans in many instances are given harsher sentences, paid less, not fully represented in many career fields, nor receive the same quality of education.

So then the question becomes: What are we African Americans doing about it???

Don’t get me wrong, groups like the NAACP and individuals like Jesse Jackson speak out whenever injustice hits our communities and for that I am grateful. With the exception of this minority, what are we doing about it???

I can tell you what we are doing. We’re having our men wear pants below their butts glorifying ghetto life. Our girls are becoming mothers before they become women. We are investing our money in name brands, rims, and big cars. We’re foregoing education and culture to walk around and speak ignorance instead.

So how can one be too content? The definition of content is being satisfied with what one is or has and not wanting more or anything else. The Civil Rights movement gave us a lot and because it gave us the ability, we are content with that. So content we cannot see how much further we can go as a people.

The price of being too content.